I feel heavy inside
I'm angry at myslef
I'm tired of all the effort
I'm feeling like crying
sick of it all
bored of trying
might see what happens
tommorow might be different
I doutb it all though
numbers run round my head
typing more than talking again
upset that its all my fault
more than normal
hurting cos they where right
those I care about know best
yet aagain i loose
heavy eyelids and wandering thoughs
day dreams and ideas move together
muscles ache and the mind slows now
caffine isn't working on me any more
not enough sugar or glucose for me
curled up and begining to dream of...
Of shadows of vibrant colours, scents
of flowers and of people I care about
all there in my mind as I dream again
time stands still and this second lasts an hour
Temperature changes rain lashes on the river
out the window I watch it like others watch tv
My mind fills with dreams and fantasies; ideas
plots begin to fill my open soul and overflow
to the paper infront of me - stories and sketches
Time starts again and I loose those thoughts
locked back in my mind - waiting for sleep
waiting to play in the theater of my mind
I can ask myself where they came from
who i based them all on and where the future
cityscapes formed from - tiresome relics or
initaive of promises from the past
A curt cut-off begins our converations
An angry interjection deals the return
And I fight the war against you again
I know you can hear me from your throne
I'm trying to deal with you at arms lenght
I've tried not to give up but the others
A hunger for revenge burns within me
As this grows, words exchanged hurt
Ask me beyond the years you know me
Try not to forget those you have hurt
Since you've condemed your soul already
What you have done has broken so many
A time to change has passed again
As you've forgotten once more
Ask me once more and I'll hurt you
You've hurt to many of those around me
Taken from me far to many thing
Sometimes angels do fall from the sky,
Sometimes those angels learn to cry.
Maybe I was an angel once - but you broke my heart,
Now darkness claims my wings; ripped & torn.
Hollowness in the space where my soul should be.
Tears run down my cheeks but not as water; blood.
I now claim no need to be immortal - because I've lost;
Lost the only thing worth living for - worth dying for.
Will I become a fallen angel, a daemon
I watch you fall aside,
As my wings burst into flame.
You carry me to safety,
To help mend my broken wings.
Now that I'm healed
It is you need help.
But each time I take to the sky,
My wings turn to torches as I fly.
Even as the cinders flicker
And I feel the pain,
I can't just let you fall.
The night now bright with fire.
To know the pain you suffer,
It being the same but not.
To show you that I'm there
For you as a friend - alike.
I watch the beauty of my wings die,
But friendship knows no bounds.
I will heal and so shall you.
For I am the phoenix in your dream.
To know,
To trust,
To care,
To share...
I wathced it burn - You watched it too
We began to build it again - in stone
But it began to crumble - treturous
Nothing is set in stone after all.
We stood by eachother - once apon a time
We held eachother up - when the waters rose
It takes away our bridges - tears us apart
Now this torrent is sweeping us away.
I can't help but think that bridges,
They symbolise something important to us
As we are islands in a sea of people,
Are we not?
And how the waters represent the flow of life
Our pains and aches, our bad and good points.
Our sorrows and cheers - our need for others
And the bridges we build to those closest.
We can alway
Darkness encloses me again,
Trials of the night begin.
We slumber till the small hours,
Bereft of all our powers,
Our senses quashed by sleep.
Our thoughts taking over.
Our dreams, our priorities.
Friday - 05:07 am.
I reach out in fear,
In panic and in need.
Claws tear at my mind
As my nails catch your skin.
i'm still sleeping
Unable to open my eyes.
As you ask if I'm ok
I wake up, alert and scared.
The reassurance that it's over
Lying next to me,
Still there - holding me.
Then I look at the clock.
Friday - 05:07 am.
Not remembering it,
My nightmare - just worry.
Taking account of an event
that isn't real - it's in my
I've seen this all before
Theres nothing set in lore
That says you can't have been
Something quite obscene
I'm the lighter half of dark
It's all left in glyphs and marks
I've spent to long living
To watch you giving
Giving it all away
To my dismay
To unworthy souls
As I walk on hot coals
I'll fade into the shadows
I'll watch from the windows
Of the castle I once called home
And wait till you moan
Moan as it hurts
As I sit here in the dirt
That pain we know all to well
I know it hurts like hell
I'd die to be free
But that just wouldn't be me
But knowing the pain that we all suffer
To walk aways a lot tougher
I see it al
Love is an emotion that can not be explained, yet neither is heartache.
Love and Hate are two opposite emotions, but they work well together.
Destiny or Fate, differences in opinion.
Truth and Lies, Secrets and Half-truths, all the things that cause a relationship to faulter.
But what if this was a friendship with cheaters and liars, do you think you could be honest or would you choose someone else over them.
Well would you?
If the truth be told about what one says about another would they fall out with them?
Then would you join them if you found out what they really had said about you?
Does a friend refuse to answer a question to you
Tell me the meaning of life.
Tell me everything.
Fill my rotting mind.
Kill my dieing body.
Care, don't despair.
Care, share, be there.
I am the living dead.
Or am I the dead living?
I am part of life.
I live, I die.
Live, Life, Love.
Simple and Sad,
Not bad and mad.
Birth and Breath,
Die and Sleep.
Sleep so deep.
Come, be by my side.
For time to bide, us over.
Forever.
Live, Life, Love, Die.
Then - welcome to eternity.
Tell me the meaning of life.
Tell me everything!
Fill, my rotting mind.
Kill my dieing body.
I shall never die, only sleep.
I live, I die.
Then so be it.
Current Residence: Aberdeen Operating System: Windows 7 MP3 player of choice: Creative Labs New Touch Screen one Wallpaper of choice: My own transmet one - or a fave piccy Favourite comic book character: Spider Jersualem or Jack of Fables Personal Quote: If it's made by me you may want to check it before you sit on it!
Favourite Movies
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dradon. Hero and House of Flying Daggers and most Tartan Asia/Asia Extreme
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Too many to name
Favourite Writers
Iain M. Banks
Favourite Games
Gears of War, Halo
Favourite Gaming Platform
Xbox 360
Tools of the Trade
Pens, pencils, wood, metal, plastics, measuring instrument and computers